Remember to Play

Early in relationships, it's easy to be playful. At least, it is for most people. I had a first date once where we were going to a movie of my date’s choice. The movie she chose was “Happy Feet,” and we went into a mostly empty theater. We decided to sit in the very last row and things were going great. Well…. about halfway through the movie, she got bored and pulled out a book and a small book light. “What are you doing?” I asked her. “I am bored, so I am going to catch up on my reading.” I was stunned…. We were watching a movie (which if I had my choice we would have been sitting in “Tenacious-D and the Pick of Destiny” or “Casino Royale”).  I don’t think it is such a huge jump to make the conclusion that this was not only our first but also our last date.

I suspect that most people do a better job being playful on dates, but once you're coupled up and having regular discussions about who did the dishes last, play may not come as easily. I'm not giving up, though. In his book Play, psychiatrist Stewart Brown says that playing is key to keeping relationships from hardening into drudgery. The downside is that he doesn’t give any ideas or suggestions to how couples should do that. So, here are a few ideas we have done (or want to do):

Challenge your partner to a wrestling match. Careful to not be too aggressive, and also watch out for fingernails and jewelry.

Play people-watching "Bingo." All you need for this one is a pen and paper. The next time you're bored and are at the local mall or run out of things to talk about at dinner, draw a grid and fill it in with people you're likely to see. In our community, for instance, that might include "two or more women with yoga mats," and "Couple who are clearly using pets as practice children". Then trade grids and play Bingo for a good prize, like a backrub, the other person paying the bill, or something a little more sensual.

Play the "Newlywed" game. I actually had a good time playing this with my parents and a handful of friends not long ago. The trick is vetting questions so that they are spicy but not too revealing. So, "Where was the first time you did the dirty?" – this might not be so good for a family game. But "Where was your first kiss?" works well.

Impromptu Pillow Fight.  Ambush your partner with an impromptu pillow fight! Nothing can keep the passion alive in a relationship more than maintaining a sense of humor! (Trust me, NOTHING is funnier than watching your partner fly across the bed in their underwear, pillow in hand, yelling “BONZAI” as the pillow is swinging at your head.)

Play Photo Booth. Grab your camera phone and start taking pictures of you two. Make funny faces, kissy faces, and capturing a sweet kiss between the two of you! BONUS: Add your favorite or the most embarrassing photo of your partner as their Caller ID photo.

Play Hide and Seek. My wife and I have had some fun with this one. In each apartment we have lived in, we have “christened” it with a couple good games of hide and seek. If you want to put an adult spin on this game, play it naked and whenever you get found you have to complete some sort of sensual act with each other in the location of your hiding place.

I'll be trying these and will let you know how it goes. Got any ideas of your own to add?

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